My son and I have not always had it easy. I was barely 24 when I had given birth to this Dear One and gravely below the veil of consciousness, wrought with anxiety, and most likely suffering from undiagnosed depression.
For many years, I believed myself to be a wonderful mother. Unlike my own, my son heard the words "I love you" and I made sure to show interest in who he was a person and in things he liked to do. But below the level of my conscious mind were many patterns unfolding I was not aware of.
I was tense, critical, rigid, and perfectionistic. I was sad, lonely, and felt deeply disconnected from his father. The more I tried to please and connect, the further his father and I drifted apart only adding to mounting anxieties.
I was codependent but unaware. I was a child in an adult body emitting energies my conscious mind swore I would not. I was focused on outside things that pulled my energies from where they should have been directed. I was easily spooked by what others said...
Namaste Dear Ones!
Nobody ever tells us this, but they should. On the path to emotional sobriety, we will be faced with ALL OF OUR FEARS! Our ego will be challenged and every one of our wounds will be activated. We will be confronted with choices we once prayed we'd never have to make.
Will we choose them, or will we choose ourselves?
Will we stay quiet, or will be rock the boat?
Will we stay, or will we walk away?
Will we react and lash out, or will we surrender and accept what we cannot change?
Will we people-please, fawn and dissociate, or will we walk through the fear of making changes that will require us to face our fear of being alone?
Lions and frikin' tigers and bears--OH MY!
The road to recovery and healing from codependency is a path to enlightenment.
When we suffer from the fear of abandonment, we do not realize we are living below the veil of consciousness as ego clings tightly to conditioned behaviors it was powerless to control while...
I am very excited to announce that registration has begun for the next Breakthrough Coaching Class.
If you are ready to dig deep and uncover the wounds, ideas, beliefs, and programs that are keeping you stuck, then this program is for you!
The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program is essentially my personal blueprint out of the hell a codependent mind can become. It is not your fault if you come from a less than perfect home and you have developed coping skills that have become ingrained in your subconscious mind that no longer serve you. If you had to live in a state of survival as a child, that is not your fault, but unfortunately, unless you actively decide to change the patterns that have developed within you as a result, you will sadly be doomed to repeat your past.
It's not you-it's your programming Dear One. You have been conditioned to fear feeling your feelings and remarkably the only way to live an amazing life is to learn how to 'feel your feelings'. Healing fully, implies...
For most of my life, I struggled with self-worth. I did not truly believe I was worthy of love, understanding, acceptance, kindness, or appreciation. In the back of my mind was a core belief that sounded something like, "Nobody really likes you or loves you. You're not good. You're not smart. You're not pretty. You're not funny. Why would anyone want to love you? It's your job to prove to others you are good enough and when they finally say that you are good enough, then maybe you will be. Until then, keep working at trying to be good enough." This unconscious pattern of thought kept me bound as well as broken, seeking the approval of others.
When we are codependent, it is like we are living under water. We aren't really living at all. It is as if we are outside the fish tank looking in, wondering when we will finally feel like we belong, or that we are good enough to belong. The illusion that we are not good enough is strong and innate, we never question the idea...
Codependency symptoms are wide and varied. It is important to remember to avoid black and white thinking when trying to better understand codependency symptoms. Keep in mind that codependency is rooted in a poor sense of self and that the way codependency shows up in you or within your relationship can rely heavily on what might be going on in the moment.
Generally speaking, if you have been raised to feel invisible, unloved, and like you are not enough, chances are you will probably experience some codependency in your life. Symptoms of codependency include but are not limited to;
Codependents are sadly comfortable with being uncomfortable. When we are in relationships, we have no data for harmony. We settle for the discomfort because we don't know any other way of living. Neurosis, fear, anxiety, lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY! This IS our way of being.
Healing would come much faster if we could begin to ingest this idea of healthy vs unhealthy. If your relationships bring you anxiety, then they are NOT healthy and they do NOT serve you.
If you are in a relationship with someone who thinks they are always right or needs to be always right--then they also need to make everyone else wrong--AND if you are codependent--you will do all you can to be enough for the person who implies you are wrong. You will try to smile more, be thinner, laugh less, talk less, be more sexy--whateva' it takes to gain the approval of this charismatic, confident, perfect other.
If you want to stop attracting narcissists into your life, then you have to commit to no longer seeing...