People come in all shapes and sizes.
IMHO, you shall know a person by the words/fruit they speak, no different than identifying a banana tree from an apple tree. You know what tree you are looking at by the fruits that tree bears, and so it is with people and the words that drip from their lips.
What drips from the lips is the tip of the iceberg. Every word is constructed first through beliefs, perceptions, and intentions. When you look at a banana tree, you know that DEEP within the roots of mother earth, there is DNA for a banana tree. And when you grab for the banana, you know that what you are eating is much more the result of non-physical magic than it is physical matter at all. Unlike people, you invite into your energy field, you can safely presume that when you peel back that yellow skin, inside you will find a potassium-rich yummy banana.
As we heal from codependency, we gain the ability to tune more finely into our internal guidance. We confront our love addiction and need to have others validate us from the outside. We learn to push back the fear of being alone and as we do, we gain the courage to look more closely at the people we have attracted into our lives, as well as contemplate the attracting force that created the attraction in the first place.
Accountability begins with ourselves. We must know that what we reap we will sow and develop the ability to 'listen and discern' the tone, language, energies, and intentions others bring to our energetic fields.
Egocentrism is a normal developmental stage of the ego, and the more deeply wounded and shamed a person, the more ingrained are their ego-defense mechanisms.
However, no amount of empathy from YOU can help shift an egocentric, angry, belittling, fear-based person who does not want to shift.
At dinner recently, I overheard a couple at the next table of one of our favorite restaurants trying to get a friend of theirs to back off from harassing his ex-girlfriend on social media. The couple pleaded with him to end his Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram rampage and regardless of how soft their words were to him, he COULD NOT hear them. The table of three was loud and it was impossible to not overhear their conversation.
I was not surprised by the disgruntled man's reaction to his well-meaning friends. He ran over their comments with condescending comments about his ex's body, her children, and even her car. He said he was angry because she 'dumped his ass' but could not hear when his friend said, "You frightened her when you told her she had to come to your daughter's party although you knew your daughter hated her. You tried to make her feel bad about herself because she simply did not want to go to your daughter's backyard party, and when she tried to tell you that, you yelled at her. You bought her a garage door opener and then never let her forget about it. And when you offered to take her son to a baseball game and he said 'no', you read the kid the riot act and implied that because you were so good to his mother, the least he could do was say 'yes'. Can't you see how you have a habit of making everything about you and that when you do this, you are being manipulative and this scared her off"
No matter how long and hard this loving man's friends tried to shift his vibration, no matter how hard they tried to help him 'see' the error of his ways, he only saw HIS pain. He only saw that what he wanted he didn't get. He had ZERO ability to see how HIS actions caused a chain reaction. And so it is with many of the garden-variety type narcissists we encounter day to day.
Dear One--you will know a person by the fruit that they bear. Be discerning with those whose energy you allow into your own field. Observe the quality of their relationships with others, their own souls, as well as with the planet. What a person says should match their energy. If someone is coming from a good place, you should sense within your own field that this is true--and if it is not--look for the fruit--it shall speak to you in mystical ways.
For anyone struggling to deal with the run of the mill intrusive, conversational narcissist, who really don't give a rats ass about how much empathy you have for their situation, here are 5 tips I hope might help.
Keep in mind while reading this handy-dandy list, a true narcissist isn't listening to you--they are way ahead anticipating what they want from you and finding ways to assure you will behave as they wish. They do not SEE you--they only SEE what they want FROM you--and if you do NOT give them what they seek, they will react with thorns, horns, because they feel scorned. Of course, they are blind to the cause and effect nature of this reality--because to be aware of this law would mean the end of the ego.
To a narcissist--the ego is their only true and trusted friend.
Beware Dear Ones...
NO ONE CAN SHIFT someone who does not WANT to shift, so SHIFT yourself instead. And be willing to be accountable for what fruit you eat or invite to your table.
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