The only thing we can create are those things we believe in and the opposite is true as well.
No one can create what they do not believe is possible to create.
When I think about my mom, who spent over 50 years appeasing a narcissist whose agenda it was to keep her small, afraid, in check, and to himself, a fire ignites in the pit of my soul.
When I think about the sexual abuse my mother endured as a child, and how it was never spoken about, my teeth clench.
When I think about my mother's father domestically abusing my grandmother, I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths.
When I think about my grandmother showing up drunk and with a wet head, with mascara dripping down her face at my mother's wedding, I have to try not to crawl out of my skin.
When I think about my mother's last year of life, and I remember the callous ways in which my father spoke to her, and I recall the words he used to describe how angry he was with her dementia, I want to scream--and some days I do.
Anything that we experience within the mental and or emotional body must manifest in the physical body. We can never separate our emotional or mental experience from our physical bodies--as all beings are the sum of that which is experienced on every level of existence.
Codependent relationships are maddening--as it is a dynamic that sucks emotional and mental bodies in like vacuums.
One minute a codependent being can be laughing and enjoying the sound of a child's laughter, and the next--he/she can notice an unease in their partner's facial expression and suddenly feel sucked into a dark hole mentally and emotionally.
One glance--one glare--one frown--one shrug of a shoulder--one movement--one word--one sentence--is all it takes for a codependent being to fill with dread.
When you are codependent--you--and your stability is not the priority.
Like a prisoner sentenced to live life according to the rules set by others--codependents play by the rules of others--and lose themselves bit...
It is not uncommon for abused adult children to put someone they know on a pedestal. Often those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, attach ourselves to best friends, people, lovers, spouses, and alike, and place all our dreams upon these ‘others.’ On some level, we are escaping the abyss our abandonment trauma has left in its wake by making someone else or something our external higher power. This friend, we think, shall help us avoid the pain we know lurks within our soul. We become ATTACHED and live in FEAR that the relationship one day may possibly end, although we may never consciously acknowledge that this is true.
This type of codependency only reinforces our lack of self-love. Whenever we make someone else our god, savior or rescuer, we are turning away from the DIVINE SOURCE within us. When we ATTACH to someone outside of us, in an attempt to avoid our abandonment trauma, we unknowingly place unrealistic expectations upon them. We unconsciously wish...
Codependency sucks and generally, many of us do not heal until we have experienced so much pain, we can no longer stay in denial.
We might hang on to that snotty friend who minimizes us in front of other people because her mother is an alcoholic and we feel ‘sorry’ for her. We might not confront our spouse about how rejected we feel whenever they make fun of our thighs because we are afraid we might make them angry and maybe cause them to leave us. We might take care of our friend's bills, even though we know the reason they can’t pay their rent is that they’re on drugs. We might lie for our sibling even though we know they stole money from our mother because we don’t know how to set boundaries.
In many of the cases, codependency stays in play until one day the pain of ignoring how we feel reaches critical mass and we just cannot take it anymore. Out of denial, we are forced to save ourselves as we realize, those we have lied for, catered to and...
Codependents are those of us who have grown up detached and dissociated from the divine self, who have learned to ignore our inner child, and who have been conditioned to behave in ways that allow us to exist without really existing.
We are people who have felt emotionally ignored, despised, devalued, neglected, and disregarded, who today, are learning that fawning, rescuing, lying, and denying our true desires leads to depression, anxiety, resentment, chronic illnesses, inflammation, divorce, cheating, and toxic relationships.
The older we get we begin understanding that praying others will read our minds so we don't have to dare risk telling our truth, only wastes our precious Creator Given-Limited time on this miraculous planet called Earth.
Healing from this EPIDEMIC called CODEPENDENCY begins with telling our truth at least to ourselves. Confessing our truth to ourselves can be scary because we have been conditioned to gain the validation and attachment to others at all costs....
Codependent recovery, when done deeply will kick our ass.
As codependents, we have lost our identity and who we think we are can be enmeshed with how worthy or valuable we are to others.
OMG and SMH!!!!
Codependents make OTHER people our GOD!
We make other people our HIGHER POWER!
We obsess about taking care of people who can't take care of themselves, and often, we rant, rage, and complain the entire time we are catering to the needs of others.
We are out of control, pissed, depressed, and resentful, because we are tired, frustrated, and feel abandoned.
We do not know we are abandoning the self and WORSE--we do not know how to RESCUE the self.
WHAT A FREAKING EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, NEUROLOGICAL, VIBRATIONAL, PHYSICAL, and PSYCHOLOGICAL MESS!!!!!!!!
Withdrawal is a HUGE part of CODEPENDENT RECOVERY and it is SCARY AS HELL!
We don't know how to NOT take care of other people, or how to NOT anticipate the needs of others.
We don't know how to focus on our own self-care.
We don't know...
Scary but true.
Human beings can go an entire lifetime, unaware that the thoughts that are flowing through our minds are all tied to what information, patterns, beliefs, and programs have been downloaded as a result of childhood experiences.
Childhood emotional neglect causes great trauma and many of us fail to recognize how being ignored, treated with indifference and sometimes even with contempt, can cause us to become emotionally arrested without us ever realizing this to be true.
How happy are you today, really?
How individualized do you feel?
Do you feel confident and like you can stand on your own two feet?
How dependent are you upon others, financially, emotionally, or physically?
Do you tend to enmesh with others?
Are you more comfortable when taking care of or rescuing others who seem to 'need' someone to take care of them?
Do you avoid what is really bothering you and instead busy yourself with other things, like other people's issues rather than focusing...
Sometimes it can be difficult to observe your thoughts and especially when triggered and after spending time with those who trigger you.
It can be challenging to regroup and gain emotional control after having had a strenuous conversation, argument, confrontation or some type of interaction that has knocked you off balance.
We live in a sea of others vibrations, others perspectives, others wounds, others triggers, and others agendas. And when we love people, it can difficult to separate our stuff from their stuff.
Codependency creeps up in the most beautiful of spaces.
When we worry more about our sister and her kids than we do ourselves and our own kids...
When we worry more about how to fix the neighbor's love life than we worry about our own marriage and relationships.
When we fail to set a boundary with someone who may not realize they have crossed one...
When we take on other people's issues even though we are drowning in our own.
When we fail to recognize our own codependent...